Monday, January 4, 2010

Why IRS Agents aren't allowed to bet (anymore)...

The IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the IRS office.
The IRS auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney. The auditor said "Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable."
"I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it," says Grandpa. "How about a demonstration?"
The auditor thinks for a moment and says "Okay, go ahead."
Grandpa says "I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye." The auditor thinks a moment and says "It's a bet." Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor's jaw drops.
Grandpa says "Now I'll bet you two thousand dollars I can bite my other eye." Now the auditor can tell Grandpa isn't blind, so he takes the bet. Grandpa pulls out his dentures and proceeds to bite his other eye.
The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Grandpa's attorney as a witness. He starts getting nervous.
"Want to go double or nothing?" Grandpa asks the auditor. "I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk and pee into that wastebasket on the otherside, and never get a drop anywhere in between." The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt; so he agrees again.
Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on the otherside; pretty much urinating all over the auditor's desk. The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he just turned a major loss into a huge win.
But, Grandpa's attorney moans and puts his head in his heads. "Are you ok?" the auditor asks the attorney. "Not really," says the attorney, "This morning when Grandpa told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me $25,000 that he could come in here and piss all over your desk and that you'd be happy about it!"
I keep telling you, don't mess with old people!

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